


Matches are Dangerous, Cards are Fatal

by GAvillain



Category: Disney - All Media Types, Disney's House of Mouse
Genre: Disney villains - Freeform, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Oneshot, Poker Nights, Villains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 03:01:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15133649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GAvillain/pseuds/GAvillain
Summary: Five of Disney's most infamous villains meet up for poker night at the House of Mouse, where they share evil stories and have a devilishly good time. A short oneshot featuring the villain crew from Mickey's House of Villains on a decidedly more casual night.





	Matches are Dangerous, Cards are Fatal

"GIN!" Cruella shouted out with a cackle, laying out her cards triumphantly.  
  
Jafar peered over. "Well, color me impressed, that _is_ gin, Cruella. Unfortunately, the rest of at this table are _playing poker_."  
  
Hades summoned up a cigar and lit it on his thumb. "Eh, let her be, Jaffy. She's at that point in the night where everything is blue skies, sunshine, and talking squirrels."  
  
"I'LL MAKE MITTENS OUT OF YOU, YOU NUTTY FOOLS!" Cruella declared to the talking squirrels.  
  
Jafar, Hook, Hades, and Ursula drew new cards and discarded their previous ones.  
  
"Blast!" Jafar said with a sneer. "Fold."  
  
"Sheesh, I've got Trojan luck tonight too," Hades said. "Fold. Guess Fortuna's still grumpy I burned down her casino. What a witch. Hook, what about you?"  
  
"Aye, I'll raise," Hook said, tossing a few new doubloons into the pot.  
  
"I call," Ursula responded with a chuckle.  
  
Hook laid out his hand. "Four tens, eight high card."  
  
Ursula laid out hers. "Royal flush. I believe that makes the game mine."  
  
Ursula used a tentacle to slide the pot over to her side of the table.  
  
"Wait a bloody minute! How the Hell do you have a royal flush? I have four tens," Hook said, slamming his hook on the table.  
  
"Do you?" she said with a smirk.  
  
Hook looked down at his deck, and, sure enough, one of his tens was missing with a three left in its place.  
  
"Bloody Hell, this is what I get for playing with a card shark," Hook sneered.  
  
"I think ya mean 'card octopus,' babe," Hades interjected.  
  
Ursula started shuffling the cards for another round. "Jafar, angelfish, what was it you were telling us about that woman who broke into your laboratory?"  
  
"Ah yes! Where was I?" Jafar said. "The Sultana saw my magical hourglass. She knew I was seeking the lamp to overthrow her bumbling husband. I wasn't about to let some self-righteous woman unravel my plans, so I used my staff to mesmerize her and have her throw herself from the guard tower!"  
  
The others around the table cackled evilly at that.  
  
"Well that's one way to buy silence," Ursula cooed.  
  
"Oh! But the very best part?" Jafar hissed. "The little princess caught a glimpse of us that night. I sent her back to bed and told her it was just a bad dream. And when she asked me why her dear mother had died? Why I simply told her the truth: her mommy didn't love her enough to stay alive."  
  
"See now, babe, that's why I like ya: next level evil right there," Hades said. "Hey! Waiter, penguin face! Another round of drinks. Put it on Maleficent's tab."  
  
"Ha! Good man!" Hook declared.  
  
Cruella went to salute the free drinks as well but found herself off balance and passed out, falling right out of her chair.  
  
Hook cocked an eyebrow. "Umm, should we-"  
  
"No," the other three said in unison.


End file.
